Chapter 51
by tokeahontas
Summary: Peter's POV after he loses his memory to the serum; Chapter 51 of Allegiant.


If I had to explain to you how memory loss feels, I don't think I would be able to.

Suddenly, I was sitting on a strange chair, in a strange place, surrounded by strange things of strange colors. I looked at my hands. I couldn't describe to you their color, but I know they felt dry, in sensual feeling and in my best description.

They were filled with lines, and when I moved them, they were a bit rigid. Were the cracks the cause of the stiffness? Did the stiffness form lines in them? A little noise escaped my mouth.

I lifted one of my hands to my mouth. Something inside me clicked — something audible. I lifted the hand to my ear. There was a connection.

And there was someone in front of me. He was leaning forward in his wooden chair, elbows on his legs, his hands together. He looked up at me, and I saw his eyes — they were a very strange dark blue color. I tried to make sense of his appearance. Instinctively I touched his face.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked. He had a deep voice.

I didn't respond. I just lowered my hands.

I got up, and I walked out.

It was cold outside. When I breathed out of my mouth, I could see my breath. It was very cold, but something inside me filled with warmth. I saw a vision — not with my eyes, inside my head. I was doing the same thing, but I was much lower on the ground, much shorter. As soon as it came, the vision was gone. I reached my hands out, grabbing for it, but it had been in my head, and it was nowhere now.

"Hey! Peter!"

I turned my head around. There was a source to the sound, but I didn't know what it was. The blue-eyed man from before stood a good distance away from me, but his mouth was closed. Did he speak? I didn't see anyone else near us.

He said "Peter" a few more times. I didn't match that word up to any definition. Peter, Peter, Peter. I repeated it, quietly. Peter.

There was a woman next to him who resembled him, but the noise came from him, so the next time he said "Peter", I pointed my finger to my chest, just in case it was me he was referring to.

I was right. "Yes, that's you! For the eleventh time! Come on, let's go."

I ran up to this strange man. Something about him made me want to trust him, and I don't know what it was.

As soon as I started walking, I could feel myself become a little unbalanced. Everything seemed a little blurry, and I nearly fell backwards.

The strange man with blue eyes looked at me for awhile, staring into my eyes. He gulped and nodded.

He and the woman turned, and I followed them, keeping my distance. Something about her stern face made it seem like she didn't want to soothe my confusion about, well, everything.

It was very dark outside. The ground was lined with solid white stuff. It fell from the sky, and I reached my hand to collect some. It was really cold, so I decided to keep away from this white stuff. Eventually it stopped falling from the sky.

My hands were also very cold. I rubbed them together and saw my breath some more. Why did it do that? Why weren't the man and woman in front of me as fascinated with their breath as I was?

I followed them for a long time, and eventually they reached a large, silver structure, shaped like an enormous bean. I stared at myself in it. The person I saw had shiny dark brown hair, large green eyes, and a pale complexion. My nose was red from the cold. I stared at my hand for clarification, and then at its reflection in the sculpture. It was warped in the reflection.

The woman stopped, and made her way over to me. She smiled. "Big, isn't it?"

I looked at her face. She had stern facial features, an olive skin color, and a sharp jawline. She deeply resembled the man, though she was visibly older than he was. Her son, I supposed.

I nodded. "Yes."

We continued walking. Eventually we reached a long set of stairs that spiraled downward. The woman grabbed the man's elbow in order to keep her balance. I knew for sure they had to be mother and son.

A party of two people stood in a big pavilion made of glass. The man, who I could see resembled the blue-eyed man who'd retrieved me, held a gun. Immediately I felt frightened. Had they come to shoot the mother and the son? Maybe that was his father? Were they going to kill me? His gun was pointed at the woman with olive skin.

The woman standing next to the armed man seemed much more friendly. She was smiling, but her pretty face was marred by a long scar that I could barely make out. It ran down one side of her face.

"Tobias!" the scarred woman exclaimed. She wore a red coat. "What are you doing here?"

The younger, blue-eyed man — Tobias — responded coolly. "Trying to keep you all from killing each other. I'm surprised you're carrying a gun."

She did have something in her pocket. A gun. Why were they armed? I receded, fear emerging in my stomach.

"Sometimes you have to take difficult measures to ensure peace. I believe you agree with that, as a principle." the red-coated woman said. I suppose I agreed.

Sternly, the elder man warned, "We're not here to chat. You said you wanted to talk about a treaty."

He looked very tired. I could tell there was a long history between all four of these people.

"Yes," responded Tobias' mother. "I have some terms for us both to agree to. I think you will find them fair. If you agree them, I will step down and surrender whatever weapons I have that my people are not using for personal protection. I will leave the city and not return."

The older man laughed. I feel paralyzed. Something about him — I don't know what — made him terrifying to him. Judging by Tobias' rigidity, he was also scared of him.

"Let her finish," the scarred woman whispered to the old man.

"In return, you will not attack or try to seize control of the city," explained Tobias' mom. "You will allow those people who wish to leave and seek a new life elsewhere to do so. You will allow those who choose to stay to _vote_ on new leaders and a new social system. And most importantly, _you_, Marcus, will not be eligible to lead them."

I wondered what Marcus had done to make both Tobias and his mother so afraid of him. I wondered what he had done to make me, someone who had never even seen him, afraid of him.

The scarred woman looked surprised. She stared expectantly at Marcus, awaiting a response.

"No deal," he said with finality. "I am the leader of these people."

"Marcus," she said, seeming tired.

"_You_ don't get to decide whether I lead them or not because you have a grudge against me, Evelyn!"

"Excuse me," the scarred one said. "Marcus, what she is offering is too good to be true — we can get everything we want without all the violence! How can you possibly say no?"

"Because I am the rightful leader of these people!" said Marcus. "I am the leader of the Allegiant! I—"

The scarred woman interrupted him. "No, you are not. _I_ am the leader of the Allegiant. And you are going to agree to this treaty, or I am going to tell them that you had a chance to end this conflict without bloodshed if you sacrificed your pride, and you said no."

Who are the Allegiant? I thought.

Marcus looked angry. He shook his head, looking defeated.

"I agree to your terms," she said courteously. She moved forward and extended her hand.

Evelyn removed her glove and held out hers. They shook hands.

"In the morning we should gather everyone together and tell them the new plan. Can you guarantee a safe gathering?"

"I'll do my best," responded Evelyn.

"I should go," said Tobias to his mother. "I have something else to take care of. But I'll pick you up from the city limits tomorrow afternoon?"

"That sounds good," Evelyn said. She rubbed his arm — a gesture of affection.

"You won't be back, I assume?" the scarred woman said, not harshly. "You've found a life for yourself on the outside?"

"I have. Good luck in here. The people outside — they're going to try and shut the city down. You should be ready for them."

That came as a surprise to me. Why didn't anyone tell me anything around here?

But the scarred girl just smiled. "I'm sure we can negotiate with them."

She gave her hand to Tobias. They shook.

But then he looked at his father, Marcus. "Good-bye."

Tobias turned around and began to climb the stairs. He grabbed my arm and yanked me, leading me up them.

"What was that all about?"

He turned to me. "What do you mean?"

"I'm so confused." Instantly every question I had poured out of my mouth. "Is that woman your mother? Is that man your dad? Why does the other lady have that scar? What do the colors on their clothes mean? Who are the people outside? Where are you going now? Why is it so cold?"

He laughed. "Come on, I'll tell you while we walk."

"Yes, that woman, Evelyn, is my mother. Marcus is my father. He was not a very good father, though. The lady in the red coat, Johanna, was hurt by her husband, I believe. It's best not to ask her about it."

I nodded. "And the other questions?"

He laughed again. "The colors of their clothes were used to identify what faction they came from."

"Factions?"

"Yes. We're in the process of tearing down the factions. You and me wear black because we were from the Dauntless faction."

"Dauntless?"

"Yes. We shoot guns and jump off trains and climb large wheels."

"Guns?"

"Guns."

"Guns? Like the weapons Marcus and Johanna had?"

"Yes. Guns."

"I don't like guns."

He laughed, hard. "You're very different now."

"How?"

"You just are. You were very fond of guns, and knives, and hurting people, Peter. You were very sick. But you're not, now. You're better."

"I am?"

"You are." He started walking, and I followed him.

"Tobias?" I asked.

"Yes?"

"You aren't going to hurt me, are you?"

"No."

We walked until we found a big car. It was large and dark blue, sort of the same color as Tobias' eyes.

It had a note taped to the front window. Tobias scanned it.

"We have to do some walking. This has the location of a few of my friends. I have some news to give them."

"Is it bad news?"

"Some of it. But then we'll leave the city, and we'll go back to the Bureau."

"The Bureau?"

"A big place where they monitor the city."

"Why are we going to the Bureau?"

"To see my girlfriend. And her brother."

I didn't ask any questions, because he looked slightly annoyed, and I didn't want to bother him any further.

We walked for a very long time, until we reached another large car. This one was even bigger, with a rounder shape. A van, Tobias called it.

"Stay here," said Tobias, opening the van's door.

"Why?" I asked, taking a seat in it.

"I have to give them the bad news. I'll be out soon."

"I have to use the restroom."

"Just go in the snow."

"Okay."

So I waited for him. I got back in the van once I was done doing my business. Tobias took awhile. The van had a clock in it. He left when the minute part said :10. I counted the minutes. There was a little rubber ball wedged between the cushioned seats. I occupied myself by playing with that. It got smaller as it receded away from me.

I thought about what Tobias had said. _You were very sick, Peter._

Tobias returned when the minute said :27.

There were a lot of people with him. A girl with short hair and dark skin sat down in the seat next to me. She didn't look happy to see me. She just nodded her head. I smiled in reply, the most I could do, being as confused as I was.

There was a boy, also with dark hair and skin. A small woman who was most likely his mother entered after him. They sat behind me. A tall, handsome man smiled at me and sat next to Tobias.

Christina whispered to Tobias, and the woman and her son whispered to each other. I realized then that I was very lonely.

It began to snow.

They talked about inoculation, and families, and the Allegiant. Eventually, when we were past gates and more darkness and more emptiness, the van came to a stop and we all got out.

I lingered by the van, because the whole lot just seemed very empty in general. I just played with my ball and stared at my breath.

"Where is everyone?" the tall man, Amar, asked.

The whole group began to walk.

I didn't follow them, because I had a foreboding feeling in the pit of my stomach that more bad news was to come. I could see Tobias talking to a tall blonde lady with a bruised face and a bandage on her head. I could see the tall, dark-skinned girl speaking too. They used their hands when they spoke, and she continued to move and yell and so did Amar and the blonde girl and the mother and the son. The blonde woman hugged the other girl. The mother hugged her son.

But Tobias stood completely still.


End file.
